Monday, October 17, 2005

I've had a lot of time today while working in the morning to think about the life in general. Andi in Germany, Gomati, Britta, my friends here, GRE and grad school, family in india, missed oppurtunities, avoidable mistakes.

I also was thinking about Kristin. After talking to Jenn, I decided to give up my pride and just talk to her. I was really frustrated with her because she hadn't been able to make time to keep in touch. After I talked to her for the 5 minutes a few days after getting to Oak Ridge, we haven't spoken or emailed. I get worried about my friendships when I realize that I don't care enough to keep in touch and resign to let the friendship dissipate. I've done it before. Bhavya, Avinash, Jeshica, Becky, Amanda. I absolutely don't want to add Kristin to that list. I will reply to the birthday wish she sent and try to resurrect whatever is left of our friendship.

Bhavya is something I've been unable to figure out. I don't know why our friendship would have dissipated. We were best friends for 4 years. Incredibly good intimate friends. How does something like that phase out? I guess when one of them start dating someone else, it could. Maybe that's what happened. Maybe she felt like she had to withdraw. I didn't want her to. I told her not to. I am wondering if we ever loved each other. I don't even know if I knew what love meant when Bhavya and I became emotionally intimate. I guess it's a chapter now.

The two friendships I talked about above have a common thread. I don't know how to rectify the situation to bring our friendships back to original glory.

About friends here, I don't know if most of their love lives are going to survive. One of the girls has a very serious boyfriend who is going to propose to her. One of the girls has a boyfriend who is more like a best friend than anything else. One relationship has already bit the dust here and the person has already move on. We also had our hook up of the semester.

I'm glad Gomati decided on Coe. She is the one person that I've talked to more than anyone else by a long shot. Even Britta, which I didn't think was possible. I talk to her every day online or call each other every so often. She also keeps in informed about a lot of the gossip at school. She has had her share of rumors but she takes them well without getting depressed. Some of the boys there are really dumb and I wish I could knock some sense into her heads. I want her to be careful at school because reputations get easily tainted and are very hard to clean. And I am happy that I get to travel back with her to Coe because I've never had a companion for that long journey from home to school.

[Listening to: In My Head - Anna Nalick - Wreck of the Day (4:07)]

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