Saturday, May 28, 2005

Today has been one of the most boring days ever. Well, maybe not ever. I can remember worse. I have done absolutely nothing. Hardly any of my friends are around. There are times when I want to be alone but there are people around and when I want to hang out, they aren't there. One of my friends says that we always want things that we can not have. I have watched a lot of tv and been downloading rare tracks online. The rare tracks and covers were the highlights of my day so far.
      I've been thinking about the possible trips abroad next year. Amar bondu ke dekte jetam kintu akun jani na, janina jodhi java ouchit. I hope I'm all fixed from next semester off campus. I need to change and I need a change. I'm hoping for the thing I have been longing for the past year. I know my friends will be happy when that happens. I know I will be happy!

[Listening to: Champagne Supernova - Matt Pond PA - Music From The O.C. Mix 4 (7:14)]

Friday, May 27, 2005

NASA - Voyager Enters Solar System's Final Frontier

NASA - Voyager Enters Solar System's Final Frontier

Our contribution to floating junk in space (ok, maybe not junk, but it'll probably be out of power/dead before it reaches intelligent life or intelligent life finds it.. Really cool nonetheless. We can finally have War of the Worlds if a species loves to kill everything and sucks the resources of the planet discovers it and knows where we live! lol..

Thursday, May 26, 2005

How Normal Are You?

You Are 40% Normal

(Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal...

Other things you do are downright strange

You've got a little of your freak going on

But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

This is weird!!

What Does Your SAT Score Mean?

Your SAT Score of 1300 Means:

You Scored Higher Than Howard Stern

You Scored Higher Than George W. Bush

You Scored Lower Than Al Gore

You Scored Lower Than David Duchovny

You Scored Lower Than Natalie Portman

You Scored Lower Than Bill Gates

Your IQ is most likely in the 130-140 range

Equivalent ACT score: 29

Schools that Fit Your SAT Score:

College of William and Mary

New York University

Boston College

United States Naval Academy

University of California, Berkeley

Monday, May 23, 2005

Free Association

  1. Heimlich::Maneuver
  2. Gesture::Sign
  3. Party::Animal
  4. Cuddle::Bear
  5. Room with a view:: Ocean
  6. Sebastian::German
  7. Ooooh::Ahhhh
  8. Sigh::Sad
  9. Two fish, three fish::Many fish
  10. Cake or death::Cake

courtesy Unconscious Mutterings

Thursday, May 19, 2005

If Britta was around, I would be hanging out with her now. I like being around her because she likes being around me. She doesn't get tired of me. Even though we hang out a lot, I've never been told that I spend too much of time with her or I make her feel claustrophobic. I don't feel that I'm boring her either for the most part. Hanging out with her is comfortable. A cosy place where I wanna be. We like talking to each other. We always have something to talk about and she helps me relieve stresses I might be feeling at that moment. She's my buffer :). Last May term, I worked during the day and then I hung out with her in the evening till I went to bed. It was great! She is one of the closest friends I've ever had. Friends like her are very rare. I'm extremely lucky.

[Listening to: Brown Eyed Girl - Everclear - Songs From An American Movie Vol. 1: Learning How To Smile (4:21)]

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

I'm breathing

I'm breathing and trying to calm down. I got really emotional for no reason. I feel restless. I wanna see her but she is busy with other people. So, I haven't really hung out with her for a couple of days. We have been doing other stuff and keeping busy. She's here but I miss her. It's just weird.

It's been over 10 months. I have gotten a lot better but it still hurts sometimes. First loves are hard to forget. I don't know what about her makes me feel so strongly about her sometimes. She's going away abroad for over a year. I'm going to miss her like hell.

I heard this song for the first time and Jesse McCartney captured what a lot of people go through with their best friends. God knows how many times I have felt this way. Here are the lyrics

"Why Don't You Kiss Her"

We're the best of friends
And we share our secrets
She knows everything that is on my mind
But lately somethings changed
As I lie awake in my bed
A voice here inside my head
Softly says

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way u feel inside

Oh im so afraid to make that first move
Just a touch and we
Could cross the line
And everytime she's near
I wanna never let her go
Confess to her what my heart knows
Hold her close

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way u feel inside

What would she say
I wonder would she just turn away
Or would she promise me
That she's here to stay
It hurts me to wait
I keep asking myself

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way u feel inside

Why don't you kiss her (tell her you love her)
Why don't u tell her (tell her you need her)
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside...

[Listening to: Pete Jackson Is Getting Married - Less Than Jake - Borders and Boundaries (1:54)]

Saturday, May 14, 2005

and something else that is a little frustrating. i don't think old friends should have problems figuring out something fun to do. i feel inadequate whenever i hear that there is nothing to do and they are in my room. it's also very obvious from their faces and gestures that they want to be somewhere else. I have never had this problem with Britta. I see her a lot(seriously!) and we still have things to talk about and I never feel like she wants to leave. Sometimes I feel that I talk to Britta more than anyone else. It also feels weird when i can't seem to find anything to talk about sometimes. I guess that means we need to move on to new and more exciting things/people. New being the keyword here.

I much rather hang out by myself than feel inadequate in entertaining people. You can't entertain someone all the time. Sometimes it's fine to relax and take a step back. It's okay to have silences. But it's not okay to space out/look around when someone is talking to you.

[Listening to: This Is Not An Exit - Saves The Day - Stay What You Are (3:58)]
i absolutely hate when people get ansy around me to leave. i get really frustrated when i see motions in people's faces and gestures that they want to leave when we are hanging out or talking. it pisses me off. usually that's the reason i get mad.

what do you do when you keep running into the same problems with someone? it doesn't seem like talking really gets anywhere. the only way i see to deal with the issues is to look past it and not solve it. i do that for a while and then eventually, the issues come out anyway and then comes bitterness. you can't imagine how incredibly frustrating it is.

and sometimes, i much rather be by myself that go for the alternatives. like, now i'm happy to be alone because i'm going swing dancing later in the night. i sure hope it's better than the last time i was there. i think if i want to get back before the dance ends, this time i will. but i'm hoping i don't get that feeling.

i wonder when jessi gets in.

[Listening to: Wrong Side - French Kicks - One Time Bells (3:28)]

Thursday, May 12, 2005

may is filled with frustration. damn! this blows..

I am eating Ritter SPORT's Baileys Truffel. It's cool!

I've had a lot of time to myself for the past week. It really sucked when the internet wasn't working in the dorms because my life line to the world was cut off. Atleast I had my cell phone. I talked to sean and britta and komal for quite a bit. Sean's going to the France may term trip, Britta's home for a few weeks before Upward Bound starts up and Komal's summer is about to start. I miss them already. If they were around, I would have more people to hang out with.

I suppose I have been busy most of the day with stuff. I work as a May term class TA for physics's intro to research. I showed them how to use a micro-pycnometer which happens to be manual. And then I do lunch in between 11.30 and 12.30. And then today I had to do check ins and check outs as part of my May term RA duties. And then I went back to the lab to help out with the instrument. And then I worked out for an hour and a half. That was 25 mins of running with the rest of the time doing weights. I have to get acclimatized to exercising again. And then dinner and TV. Plus studying for GRE. I also am working on my article with Jake.

And now i'm blogging while watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind. it's a very weird movie so far.
[Listening to: Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning) - Vertical Horizon - (4:30)]

Comics and Editorial Cartoons: Garfield on Yahoo! News

Comics and Editorial Cartoons: Garfield on Yahoo! News

This one is kinda funny.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

and now, I am in the deadly calm mode. yikes!

I'm going to watch Blade Trinity. Hope it's decent.
looks like my dream from the night came true today. I think this is the first time that has happened. It doesn't feel very good, I don't feel very happy now. I miss Britta. I miss Kristin. I miss Mary. I'm glad Komal's here for a few more days.

While swing dancing last night, my upper lip got injured accidently. That brought an instant end to my evening dancing. After waiting for the wound to stop bleeding, i had to nurse it with ice all the night. I got back and Komal put some iodine on it as an anti septic.

I hope I feel better. I hate me being surly. And I say and do weird stuff which is embarrasing. Even though this seems almost routine, hopefully it will stop soon. It's been getting old for me and for others. It just sucks!

[Listening to: Space - On Second Thought - Don't Drive Angry (4:12)]

Saturday, May 07, 2005

universal balance?

I guess I kinda believe in symmetry of things. Yin & Yang, particle & anti-particle, light & darkness. Opposites. When people are cruel or mean especially to me, I return the gesture back in different ways. I always do something to balance about my negative feelings about things. If you do something bad, you'll either hear about it or I do something to get back at you. Otherwise, these emotions fester inside me and I hate that feeling. I feel restless and moody. I much rather either talk about it or subject the person to situations where I had the sour feeling just to show them how it feels..

But I don't know if that's a good thing. There are people who still have stuff coming to them. I just haven't gotten around to it. I just hope talking solves the problem.

Now comes my problem. I'm not that mean. I can never go through with the plans I have in my mind. I usually cave in because otherwise I would feel bad/guilty later. I just can't be oblivious to things I do because I can see how the other person is feeling. I just can't be mean. sigh

I wish people were more considerate.

[Listening to: Be My Escape - Relient K - Mmhmm (4:00)]

Friday, May 06, 2005

I'm bored! I'm bored!

Finals done and nothing to do. The excitement today was my haircut! I finally lost a little more than an inch of hair. My head feels so much lighter. I can actually feel the wind over my ears. hehe.. I was going to shave but decided to do it tomorrow morning. I have done nothing all day. I have been in my room getting bored off my ass. My room needed some cleaning so I did a little bit of that. It might have been a little better if I could have hung out with some one in the afternoon. When I have time to watch TV, there is nothing on!

I can't wait till Jessi and Kristin get back on campus. I talked to both of them in the last few days. Kristin called me!! I was so happy to hear her voice. I am so excited to be living with her in the summer. She gets back sometime in the first couple of weeks of June. I really miss her and want to see her. I can more stuff with her because likes to go out and eat and watch movies. I loved hanging out with her and Mary freshman spring. I miss that time. I have never been able to go out when I want to because most of my friends since my sophomore year have been too cheap to go out. Kristin and I have to make up for missed time.

And Jessi, I'll be going out with her at some point when she gets back. She should be moving in around mid May! I remember that last time we went out to eat at the Olive Garden, I had a ton of fun. I'll be hanging out with her quite a bit too. Probably run with her too.

You can't imagine how much I want more of my friends around. Most of my friends are not going to be here for May term.

Well, I will be going to see Kit run at the home track meet soon. And then dinner. And then I don't know.

Someone please rescue me from this boredom. please.

I guess I'll be okay. I have plenty of movies to watch and I have a selection of either wine or beer. It should be okay.

[Listening to: Counting to 100 - Matt Wertz - Twentythree Places (3:57)]

Sunday, May 01, 2005

This has been a pretty crappy day. The sole high point of the day was the dinner at Dr. Burke's house. I had fun there talking to Kirby and the rest. Good food, a couple of portions of wine and a beer.

I had been working on my paper for honors all day. I had to go through the books I borrowed from the library and decided to work on Classical The Dying Niobid and Hellenistic Aphrodite of Cnidus. I guess I will be concentrating on the exploitation of women in both the era depicted by the manner of the portrayal in sculpture. I found almost no sources about the Dying Niobid which was very weird. But I talked to Dr. Burke for a bit and I think it gave me a decent think-start to the paper. All I have to do is remember my conversation tomorrow morning when I get a written start to the paper.

I thought the top of the five would have served as a stress buster but I didn't have any fun there. This is the first time this has happened there. I just wanted to leave and go back to school by walk. I didn't dance very well when I was dancing either which was weird. I guess I was just too tired or bummed out or tense. I don't know what was wrong..

Tomorrow and the next couple of days are going to be really long. It's going to be painful to get through. *sigh*

I think I just need a change of scene. Makes me happy I'm going to Oakridge next semester. I can start with a clean slate. Things are going to be so different. I will be missing a few people a LOT. Atleast some of them can call me for free. I know I might be doing quite a bit of phone conversations if there isn't much to do at Oakridge..

ok, I think I need to sleep now.

Shubho Ratri (good night in Bengali)

[Listening to: A Fond Farewell - Ari Hest - Someone To Tell (4:22)]