Thursday, December 23, 2004


I got the best christmas present ever! Andi had a very elaborate present for me which started with a mystery snow angel with my name in my mailbox. i didn't know who it was then but then I strongly suspected Andi. of course, i asked her point blank but she lied to me with a straight face.. hehe..the first time i have seen her to do that.. and then every day for 10 days i got ornaments for the christmas tree anonymously.. I would go to my mailbox before lunch and would find one everyday. that was the highlight for several days as finals were coming up. and the days i couldn't access my mailbox, the ornaments were taped to my door.. this was because the first saturday she realized that i couldn't open my mailbox on weekends. and as days went on, i would tease her by calling the mystery person my secret admirer.. although at that point, questioning most of the friends lead nowhere. she used most of my friends in this endeavor.. although sometimes i got more information out of them that they wanted to let on.. and finally on 15th Dec. She gave me my last mailbox ornament and then sent me on a scavenger hunt for the last three. And she had the last one.. I thanked her and told her how much this meant to me.. She is truly a special person and will always have a place in my heart. she is my best friend in the whole wide world and wouldn't trade our memories for anything. she is too precious to me. i love her.

the tree full of ornaments is showcased in my dorm room. it's wonderful. and i also got a couple of games, a book on hugs, a magnet, and chocolates.. she really went all out.. i feel so special..:)

Friday, December 10, 2004

how do people deal with frustration?

I don't know how to deal with my frustration about a lot of things at Coe. I could just take an easy way out and drop stuff but I'm not like that. I take the hard route and try to fix things or work it out. But what if things are not in my control? I have had very intense emotions lately, it deters me from concentrating. Math frustrates me a lot. Real has been a rough ride. Stuff like Q2b in Ex1.26 drives me crazy at no ends. If I can't solve questions, it torments me. I remember spending 7 hours on a stupid physics problem and then when I get back in the night before sleeping. I take a last crack at it and then I solved it in a few minutes. All I had to do was reverse engineer the answer! When things frustrate me, I think about it all the freaking time.
         I know it's bad to let things in the way but I seem powerless. I am also weak willed at times. I know I can say no but when the situations arise, I always give in and say yes. There are times I didn't want to do things but I did them anyway to keep the other person happy. I think I care too much about people. Sometimes I just want to be happy without things on my mind. It has happened a few times, a few blissfully happy moments. I can count on my finger tips how many times I have been so happy and worry-less that I didn't know what to do with myself. Jessi's in the summer, Chicago in fall break and Amanda's at Thanksgiving were some situations where I had a lot of fun. Maybe I need to look in other places to remove my frustration. Playing RB helps some because I can wack the ball and it's a physical outlet. I have tried running but it never works. I need to be calm to run otherwise I start breathing patterns change.. Talking helps too. I'm glad I have friends who I can talk to and clear my head.
         I'm going to miss Jessi and Jenna next semester. I miss Kristin and Mary a lot. I miss talking to Bhav. I miss my family. I want someone to love and cherish me the way I do. I want to see Sonal. I want my friends from home to come here and study. I miss Eisha, Vandy and Shonali.

         On a little more upbeat tone, atleast Kit and I got my digital electronics lab done finally after a week of stagnation. I have 3 finals next week and then I'm going home on Saturday!! It will be the time to sit back and relax and study some and re-evaluate my priorities and make my mind mentally strong for the tough semester ahead.

[Listening to: Track 3 - All American Rejects - Unknown Album (3:57)]