Thursday, February 24, 2005

I would be a rich college dude if...

I feel odd and clammy again. I am just sitting on my chair breathing deeply. If I had a dollar for every time I felt this way, I'd be a rich guy..relatively speaking. I tried dinner with Amanda and Matt to see if things were better. Nope.. nada.. no progress. I have to keep trying though. Or I might have to talk to Amanda for longer than 10 minutes to figure this out once and for all. And yeah, Andi's not going to be here for the auction. In attempting to ask her to stay for the auction and go some other weekend, I managed to lay another guilt trip. This sucks, I hate doing guilt trips but it just comes out and usually is too late to check it. Yeah, she's annoyed with me for doing that yet again. Everyone has reasons for things they do, way they prioritize. I'm trying to understand her. Atleast she gets to save her money this way. I'm trying to tell my head that it's no big deal. I trying to make me feel not so bad about the "Amanda is still mad?" situation, the "de-tensing before the tests" situation, the "I'm trying to understand Andi" situation. Key word - trying. Progress so far - not working so much. Hence forth the clamminess.

Is it ok to keep secrets if that means that the other person would get hurt if he/she knew the secret? I have a fair share of secrets(mine or otherwise) that no one knows about. Another thing is that there are varying levels of honesty and truthfulness with different people. I mean I would tell some things to one person but not the other. I don't think I have ever been completely 100% honest with anyone. There is always a little (or not so little) part of me that I hold back. I haven't been secure enough to tell because that might change their opinions about me and I don't want that.

My stupid phone went on silent and couldn't pick up my parent's call. They were very pissed! However I got to talk to dad later and told him about the accidental silencing of the phone. I hope mum is livid no more after dad tells her what happened. I'll get to talk to them sometime soon too.

I'm excited about the Auction tomorrow! I hope it's fun. And if there is no movie tomorrow, I'm drinking with komal and who ever else wants to join in! I have to still ask Komal but she should be good hopefully.

Need to have fun before next week's hell. 3 tests before spring break. Hell! And then fun again. Yay! can't wait for spring break. :)

[Listening to: Song For Belfast - Easily Amused - Simple Stuff (3:19)]

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