italia!

Bonjourno from Italia! We got here 4 days back and it's been a blast since then. Fantastic food, magnificient sights and sounds and Venice! I don't have much time now but I'll write in detail when i get more time on the computer.. hopefully that's soon! i have a ton of pics to put up when i get back. Borate Conference 2005 in Trento, Italy starts today with the reception tonight.. time for the work to begin..

it's good to be connected to the web again! damn, i'm addicted. my one addiction!

So smoking is allowed on flights under special circumstances

Courtesy: This is Broken

June 30, 2005

Broken: Ashtrays on planes

Alexander Moseson writes:

I recently took a Delta Airlines trip on an Airbus A321. The cheesy video at the beginning of the flight said "No Smoking." The overhead lights said "No Smoking." Several other signs said "No Smoking."

Yet there are ashtrays located in the lavatory, and in the aisle above the trashcan, and probably other places, too, for your smoking convenience. I asked a flight attendant about this, and she explained that the ashtrays were left in place incase a smoker had a panic attack and needed to smoke while in flight.

Whoa! What the hell! I guess that should be allowed but then we will be breathing second hand smoke for the rest of the flight. Well, but then we will also be saving a life just so it is shortened at the end of his/her life. That's irony!

muah laptop!

I just bought a Dell Inspiron 6000. Specs: 1.86 Ghz Pentium M, 60 GB Hard drive, 1 GB RAM, 128 MB ATI graphics card, DVD DL burner, with a spare 9 cell battery and a 3 year Accident coverage.

What I need now is a laptop case (Case Logic Koskin Notebook Case, KNC2 ) which i tracked at walmart.

and in the future, a wireless networking router. I also need to buy an external hard drive for my music and other data files!

NUMBER27 / WordCount Conspiracy

NUMBER27 / WordCount Conspiracy

This is pretty interesting too!

To-do list of sorts

1. Finish my poster for Trento


2. Finish my paper for Trento (this is almost done)


3. Send in final ORSS app


4. Clean and organize my room


5. Work on my new laptop when I get it


6. Try to salvage a couple of friendships(this'll take a while and/or might not happen)


7. Call Sunny


8. Call Andi


9. Figure out what's up with Doll. I haven't talked to her for a couple of months now..


10. Finish A Brief History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson( this is a wonderful book. a must read.)


11. Figure out how and when to get up to Manhattan to see my family. Before Trento.

Well, this is as far as I can remember. I'll add to it when I have to do more things.

Culmination of my summer research

I spent the last month and a half writing up this article that needs to get published and a poster presentation for Trento. This is the final product after lots and lots of editing!

My article titled "A solution approach to high alkali content borate glasses" and my poster presentation with the same title which is a summary of the paper with prettier graphs..

Thinking of good times..

This weekend has been different. I did stuff but then I had a lot of time to myself too. This is the first weekend when my roomies weren't around all the time. I could have asked people to come over and hang out. But I took a lot of alone time instead. Sean, Britta and me saw Bewitched on Friday. It was relatively good.. We got back and hung out at Sean's till 3 am and then I left to go sleep. Saturday, Jojo and me were supposed to hang out but that didn't happen. Instead I spent time playing around with my brand new Dell Inspiron 6000, and installing software on it. Kelly came by later in the evening and then we went to eat to Nothing But Noodles which was good. Another one of those non-date dates. We caught up with things happening in our lives. We bumped into Sean and Britta at Best Buy and then hung out there and the mall till 9. We rented After the Sunset which we watched later after getting back. It was a bad movie, why would directors make such movies?!?! After they left, I was awake till 2am and around that time, Kristin walked into my room because she didn't think I would still be awake. Hehe..I was. We talked for a while and hung out till 3 am with Catie. When I woke up in the morning, I saw that I had messages from Sunny that she was close to Cedar Rapids and she wanted to eat with me. I was so excited to see her again. Me and Kristin met them at Fiesta Del Sol and ate lunch with Sunny, Alex, her sister and dad. It was fun. They came back to our apartment and we hung out for a while before they left. Apart from that nothing much has happened today. I hung out with Sean too for a while. I wish I could have seen Britta today but she didn't really have time to see me..Big news for this weekend is that two of my friends are dating again. I knew it was coming and I am happy for them. Lucky!

Now to what I really wanted to blog about. Bewitched had a nice soundtrack which included some good jazz/swing songs. I heard them and missed Andi a lot. I love dancing with her. We are so incredibly compatible in swing. We can do stuff that only we can do with each other. I hear swing music and always think of her. One of my favorite songs to dance to is Bobby Darin's Beyond the Sea. We always request that song when we go to the Top of the Five.. So, the one thing that will always remind me of her is swing apart from her big beautiful smile.. Look at our pictures together and you see what I mean about her smile..

In short, I still miss her.

This is Britta and Sean in case you were wondering who they are:

i just uploaded some pics on Joy's Odds and Ends. Check em out!

[Listening to: Symbiont - Celldweller - Celldweller (5:27)]

a mixed sort of day

I didn't have a very good day at research. Doc might be a little dissappointed or frustrated with me or both. I think I should do better. *sigh* I think my paper is pretty good now. But it took quite a lot of work. And he thought I should have been more attentive to details and been more critical of my own writing. What he doesn't realize is that I am critical of my writing. I know when it's mediocre. But I worked on it. And it got better with a little guidance. Anyway, I have to finish up my poster presentation that I will be doing at the Borate Conference 2005 in Trento, Italy. I think I'm mostly done with that too. A lot of it was cut and paste from the paper i wrote. I'll put the paper and presentation up sometime too.. And then asked me if I wanted to stop work because he didn't think I could do much after Italy. I guess that's sort of true. I don't have enough time for an independent project but I can do something else. He wants me to start my honor's thesis writing. That's a good idea. And I'm not going to Canada. Italy is good enough anyway.

And then I came back and worked out. I could do only 1.25 miles before I had to stop because I had side stitches again! But that's after 4 days of no exercising. I guess it was coming. I did get in a lot of weights. I did more that usual. And then played racquetball with Sean. That was good. And to end the evening, I spent a couple of hours with Jessi hanging out and drinking Jasmine tea in her chinese tea set. It was good to see and talk to her. I introduced her to PostSecret and she loved it. She is also incredibly tanned from nannying the kids because she is taking them to swim. I was amazed! Anyway after 20 mins of word association with her, I came up so that she could go to bed. And I have been chilling in my room since. And swapping covers with Megan. hehe..

I suppose that is a decent update for today..I need to call Andi sometime.

[Listening to: Rhythm Made Me Do It - Shania Twain - Send It... With Love (3:51)]

PostSecret selections from June 19, 2005

I wish for that all the time!

Courtesy: Postsecret

[Listening to: Breathe In - Frou Frou - Details (4:28)]

A weekend in Chicago

I had to go up to Chicago to apply for an Italian visa in person. That was incredibly annoying. This has been the most assanine consulate/embassy i have dealt with. So after panicking a bit figuring out how to get there and when to go up, I found out that Chris was going up to Chicago to see his sister performing in a reggae band. I also called Andi and made sure that she and her family was ok with my staying with them for the weekend. It was fine, I knew it would be because her family really likes me :)!

         So, I left on Friday at 6 much to the dissappointment of Britta due to the fact that we couldn't hang out this weekend. And of course, something had to go wrong. Chris never read his directions, so we missed the highway we were supposed to be on completely and only realized that we were not going in the right direction after I called Andi. That was funny but it made Chris and his girlfriend miss the concert and they turned into a taxi service just for me. that might go on the good ones list! Anyway, I got to Batavia, and Andi and her mum picked me up. The weekend passed being quite mellow. I didn't do much. I came in too short a notice for Andi to drop her jobs.. Next time, things should be more planned. We did spend some time together, although I wish we could have spent some more.. I was kinda dissapointed when we couldn't go swing dancing on sunday to the lake front thing, but i got over it and we went shopping and biking instead. maybe i'll head up there sometime again and we can do it then. we thought magaret(andi's sis) and her bf to swing last night. I did do a little bit of swing with her which was great because I miss it and her a lot!

         Of course, the visa adventure. I go up there by train and then walk to the consulate. it was a wonderful day, so the walk was great! The moment i get up to the consulate, i see that it's a small office setting. that's the smallest diplomatic office i've ever seen. hehe.. he said that i didn't have the right paper work and i need more things. Well, i would have brought them if they had responded to my email or fax about it. I even tried to call them. Those damn fools! They don't even take calls. What the hell is up with that? So eventually after getting my bank statement and then getting my medical insurance faxed to them, he is satisfied. He said that it will take a week to process. I hope it get to me soon because I need it in a couple of weeks.. I spent the rest of the time there walking around. I ate at an Israeli restaraunt with Andi's dad who works in downtown Chicago. After that I went to the Virgin Megastore and the Millenium Park. I walked around Mich Ave too. I have pictures that I will put up soon. Andi dropped me off today morning at the greyhound station and then waited with me the whole time till the bus came. I was happy that she came and saw me off. Although that made her miss her morning run, I hope she was able to go later.. I atleast I got quite a few hugs in this weekend. The hug quota is satisfied for another few days. lol!

The trip back to Cedar Rapids was long but I tried to sleep most of the way. Greyhound would be fine if it didnt take so much of time. It took me 7 hours to get to Cedar Rapids instead of the normal 3.5 hrs. But I got to walk around downtown Iowa City during the lay over there..

And I'm back now. I can sleep in my own bed. I re arranged my room somemore. And I hung out with Britta and Sean. So, I've had a good long day. I hope the rest of the week goes fine. I have a lot of work ahead in my presentation and paper for the conference.. Let's see what tomorrow brings. And tomorrow's Wednesday lunch is Indian food! yay!

[Listening to: Come Downstairs And Say Hello - Guster - Keep It Together (5:16)]

My selections from this week's PostSecret

Another one of those pee-poop ones..






I hope this worked...

PostSecret

Bloopers from Glass research at Coe College

While Calibrating DSC

Doc: So, how�s the baseline coming?
Grant: It still has the large curve.
Doc: Well, did it shift at all?
Grant: No, it�s the same as last time��.
That�s because we didn�t change it.


Mario: I don�t like the sound of the beads sitting around for a
few days.
Brad: Well what do you want me to do with them?
Jim: Desicatize the beads.
Brad: Is that a word?
Mario: That is why my students need more english classes.



Doc: Where�s Trent?
Student: What time is it?
Doc: 10:30 a.m.
Student: Well he isn�t expected for another half hour.



Sagnik: I love polishing, La la La la la. I will go check my email.
Jim: (by the polisher) Boy, this is wet here, what the hell is going on, did I do something?
Sagnik: (in computer lab) I love email, I don�t have any worries in the world when I check my email.
Mario: What the hell is this? Why is there water spewing all over my lab�.. Sagnik!!!


(Grant & Allen trying to roller quench, but something is wrong)
Grant: Doc, something is wrong with the roller quencher.
Doc: Well who used it last?
Allen: Biswas and Kristen were the last to use it.
(Doc talking to Biswas and Kristin)
Doc: So, did you use the roller quencher?
Biswas: No, it was not me.
Kristen: Yeah, I used it earlier this morning.
Doc: Well what did you do?
Kristen: I did �(proceeds to tell Doc what she did), Jim is the one who taught me how to use it.
Doc: Ah, Now I know why.*
*Not all text is historically accurate




(Just a regular day, and Biswas needs to use the roller quencher for his sample)
Biswas: Doc really must trust me to let me do research all on my own without Trent babysitting me.
(Biswas proceeds to prepare to quench his sample, he even practices a few times to help his speed)
Biswas: Okay, let�s do this..(Biswas opens the furnace and with lightning speed pulls his sample out and empties it into the roller quencher)
Biswas:Yeah,,, that�s what I�m talkin �bout.
(Soon after Biswas�s world crashes around him as he notices he never turned on the roller quencher and his sample is just sitting there, cooling on top of the rollers)

(Jim is preparing to do z-mapping on a sample he just got done blasting with a laser, he is extremely excited because one, he got to play with a laser and two, he is learning how to z-map)
Tim: Do you know where in the sample there is damage?
Jim: Yeah, (as he is pulling the glass out of the envelope) There is a crack down the middle because upstairs we�.(he stutters randomly about his project) But at least the sample is still intact.
(Jim drops the sample and it breaks on the table below him)
Jim: Damn, at least it was intact.

If you have questions about the stuff involved. Leave comments and I'll clarify.
There will be more. And I'll put them up as them come! Cheers!

Start Small

The best way to go about it is to start with baby steps. Try running half a mile and then start increasing distance as you get more comfortable with running. Music helps me take my mind off the fact that I’m getting tired. It helps me focus on something different. One pointer is to stretch before and after. You’ll be able to run better and then feel less sore later..

See more progress on: Start running

And so the summer begins

I guess a lot has happened since the last time I blogged. I moved out of my home of a year and into an apartment with 3 girls. My parents were mildly curious because they thought I might have an interesting time sharing a bathroom with a girl. hehe..I don't think there is anything I haven't seen, so I shouldn't be caught unawares or embarrassed. The reason why I am living with these three girls is Kristin. I haven't seen for a year and I thought we could catch up and hang out to make up lost time. She is also one of my best friends. So far, I haven't done much with her. She hangs out a lot with Dana who is probably her best friend here. So, it's a little hard to get her by herself except for a couple of hours every other day. I hope we get to actually talk sometime. I think that would be nice. Sharing living space with three people is interesting because it's all about compromise and patience. We have communal food and personal food. That's a good thing because we don't eat the same food. Kristin is also the only one who can actually cook. So, I've had a few cooked meals with her. I suppose that's good for the people in the apartment.

More about the apartment and my room.. The apartment has 4 individual bed rooms(duh!), two restrooms(one with a bathtub and one without), a common big kitchen which comes furnished, and a living room. It's a big apartment and I like the space. It's a vast difference from my single last year. Mind you, I loved my single. I got tons of privacy and didn't have to worry about having guests in my room till late. hehe..that's for people in the likes of Britta ;). But I still get a single bed room which is good because most of my stuff is in there. I am still in the process of unpacking because I have a ton of stuff. It took me two days with the help of three people and their cars. I think the funniest part of moving was my entertainment centre strapped on top of Jake's Cherookee. The last day of moving, we had a tornado warning go off as i got done moving. I was on the phone with Andi at the time sirens went off and I had to hang up quick and run back to the apartment in the pouring rain. And ofcourse as usual, we had to hang out in the basement till the warning expired. Since, the caf was not open anymore after May term ended, I had to eat out the next few days. I had too much of wendy's and taco bell for a weekend. I went out and got groceries worth a 100 bucks. I still have them after a couple of weeks, so it's money well spent for the most part. I also bought a 1 gb flash drive and a mouse because I had been using a borrowed mouse for over a year.

So, ends this saga of moving..

Google shares surge to new highs after stock report | CNET News.com

Google shares surge to new highs after stock report | CNET News.com


I feel stupid, stupid, stupid for not buying shares! Well, I suppose I had more money to invest. I'm a poor college student after all. LOL!

PostSecret

Hehe. Brilliant!


Courtesy: PostSecret

PostSecret

Beautiful sentiment.

Courtesy:
PostSecret

PostSecret

This is even better!! I know how he feels.

Courtesy

PostSecret

PostSecret

I think this is really funny.

Courtesy:PostSecret

Today has been one of the most boring days ever. Well, maybe not ever. I can remember worse. I have done absolutely nothing. Hardly any of my friends are around. There are times when I want to be alone but there are people around and when I want to hang out, they aren't there. One of my friends says that we always want things that we can not have. I have watched a lot of tv and been downloading rare tracks online. The rare tracks and covers were the highlights of my day so far.
      I've been thinking about the possible trips abroad next year. Amar bondu ke dekte jetam kintu akun jani na, janina jodhi java ouchit. I hope I'm all fixed from next semester off campus. I need to change and I need a change. I'm hoping for the thing I have been longing for the past year. I know my friends will be happy when that happens. I know I will be happy!

[Listening to: Champagne Supernova - Matt Pond PA - Music From The O.C. Mix 4 (7:14)]

NASA - Voyager Enters Solar System's Final Frontier

NASA - Voyager Enters Solar System's Final Frontier

Our contribution to floating junk in space (ok, maybe not junk, but it'll probably be out of power/dead before it reaches intelligent life or intelligent life finds it.. Really cool nonetheless. We can finally have War of the Worlds if a species loves to kill everything and sucks the resources of the planet discovers it and knows where we live! lol..

How Normal Are You?

You Are 40% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

This is weird!!

What Does Your SAT Score Mean?

Your SAT Score of 1300 Means:

You Scored Higher Than Howard Stern You Scored Higher Than George W. Bush You Scored Lower Than Al Gore You Scored Lower Than David Duchovny You Scored Lower Than Natalie Portman You Scored Lower Than Bill Gates

Your IQ is most likely in the 130-140 range

Equivalent ACT score: 29

Schools that Fit Your SAT Score: College of William and Mary New York University Boston College United States Naval Academy University of California, Berkeley

What Does Your SAT Score Mean?

Free Association

1. Heimlich::Maneuver
   
2. Gesture::Sign
   
3. Party::Animal
   
4. Cuddle::Bear
   
5. Room with a view:: Ocean
   
6. Sebastian::German
   
7. Ooooh::Ahhhh
   
8. Sigh::Sad
   
9. Two fish, three fish::Many fish
   
10. Cake or death::Cake
    

courtesy Unconscious Mutterings

Googlewhacking: The Search for The One True Googlewhack

Googlewhacking: The Search for The One True Googlewhack

Hmm..stuff they come up with

Google Fight : coe college VS cornell college

Google Fight : Make this fight with googleFight coe college VS cornell college

This is sad!

Google Fight : google VS yahoo

Google Fight : Make this fight with googleFight google VS yahoo

Google Fight : Jennifer Aniston VS Angelina Jolie

Google Fight : Make this fight with googleFight Jennifer Aniston VS Angelina Jolie

This was interesting. I'm going to do some more and post them up too.

If Britta was around, I would be hanging out with her now. I like being around her because she likes being around me. She doesn't get tired of me. Even though we hang out a lot, I've never been told that I spend too much of time with her or I make her feel claustrophobic. I don't feel that I'm boring her either for the most part. Hanging out with her is comfortable. A cosy place where I wanna be. We like talking to each other. We always have something to talk about and she helps me relieve stresses I might be feeling at that moment. She's my buffer :). Last May term, I worked during the day and then I hung out with her in the evening till I went to bed. It was great! She is one of the closest friends I've ever had. Friends like her are very rare. I'm extremely lucky.

[Listening to: Brown Eyed Girl - Everclear - Songs From An American Movie Vol. 1: Learning How To Smile (4:21)]

I'm breathing

I'm breathing and trying to calm down. I got really emotional for no reason. I feel restless. I wanna see her but she is busy with other people. So, I haven't really hung out with her for a couple of days. We have been doing other stuff and keeping busy. She's here but I miss her. It's just weird.

It's been over 10 months. I have gotten a lot better but it still hurts sometimes. First loves are hard to forget. I don't know what about her makes me feel so strongly about her sometimes. She's going away abroad for over a year. I'm going to miss her like hell.

I heard this song for the first time and Jesse McCartney captured what a lot of people go through with their best friends. God knows how many times I have felt this way. Here are the lyrics

"Why Don't You Kiss Her"

We're the best of friends
And we share our secrets
She knows everything that is on my mind
But lately somethings changed
As I lie awake in my bed
A voice here inside my head
Softly says

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way u feel inside

Oh im so afraid to make that first move
Just a touch and we
Could cross the line
And everytime she's near
I wanna never let her go
Confess to her what my heart knows
Hold her close

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way u feel inside

What would she say
I wonder would she just turn away
Or would she promise me
That she's here to stay
It hurts me to wait
I keep asking myself

Why don't you kiss her
Why don't you tell her
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way u feel inside

Why don't you kiss her (tell her you love her)
Why don't u tell her (tell her you need her)
Why don't you let her see
The feelings that you hide
Cuz she'll never know
If you never show
The way you feel inside...

[Listening to: Pete Jackson Is Getting Married - Less Than Jake - Borders and Boundaries (1:54)]

and something else that is a little frustrating. i don't think old friends should have problems figuring out something fun to do. i feel inadequate whenever i hear that there is nothing to do and they are in my room. it's also very obvious from their faces and gestures that they want to be somewhere else. I have never had this problem with Britta. I see her a lot(seriously!) and we still have things to talk about and I never feel like she wants to leave. Sometimes I feel that I talk to Britta more than anyone else. It also feels weird when i can't seem to find anything to talk about sometimes. I guess that means we need to move on to new and more exciting things/people. New being the keyword here.

I much rather hang out by myself than feel inadequate in entertaining people. You can't entertain someone all the time. Sometimes it's fine to relax and take a step back. It's okay to have silences. But it's not okay to space out/look around when someone is talking to you.

[Listening to: This Is Not An Exit - Saves The Day - Stay What You Are (3:58)]

i absolutely hate when people get ansy around me to leave. i get really frustrated when i see motions in people's faces and gestures that they want to leave when we are hanging out or talking. it pisses me off. usually that's the reason i get mad.

what do you do when you keep running into the same problems with someone? it doesn't seem like talking really gets anywhere. the only way i see to deal with the issues is to look past it and not solve it. i do that for a while and then eventually, the issues come out anyway and then comes bitterness. you can't imagine how incredibly frustrating it is.

and sometimes, i much rather be by myself that go for the alternatives. like, now i'm happy to be alone because i'm going swing dancing later in the night. i sure hope it's better than the last time i was there. i think if i want to get back before the dance ends, this time i will. but i'm hoping i don't get that feeling.

i wonder when jessi gets in.

[Listening to: Wrong Side - French Kicks - One Time Bells (3:28)]

may is filled with frustration. damn! this blows..

I am eating Ritter SPORT's Baileys Truffel. It's cool!

I've had a lot of time to myself for the past week. It really sucked when the internet wasn't working in the dorms because my life line to the world was cut off. Atleast I had my cell phone. I talked to sean and britta and komal for quite a bit. Sean's going to the France may term trip, Britta's home for a few weeks before Upward Bound starts up and Komal's summer is about to start. I miss them already. If they were around, I would have more people to hang out with.

I suppose I have been busy most of the day with stuff. I work as a May term class TA for physics's intro to research. I showed them how to use a micro-pycnometer which happens to be manual. And then I do lunch in between 11.30 and 12.30. And then today I had to do check ins and check outs as part of my May term RA duties. And then I went back to the lab to help out with the instrument. And then I worked out for an hour and a half. That was 25 mins of running with the rest of the time doing weights. I have to get acclimatized to exercising again. And then dinner and TV. Plus studying for GRE. I also am working on my article with Jake.

And now i'm blogging while watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind. it's a very weird movie so far.

[Listening to: Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning) - Vertical Horizon - (4:30)]

Comics and Editorial Cartoons: Garfield on Yahoo! News

Comics and Editorial Cartoons: Garfield on Yahoo! News

This one is kinda funny.

and now, I am in the deadly calm mode. yikes!

I'm going to watch Blade Trinity. Hope it's decent.

looks like my dream from the night came true today. I think this is the first time that has happened. It doesn't feel very good, I don't feel very happy now. I miss Britta. I miss Kristin. I miss Mary. I'm glad Komal's here for a few more days.

While swing dancing last night, my upper lip got injured accidently. That brought an instant end to my evening dancing. After waiting for the wound to stop bleeding, i had to nurse it with ice all the night. I got back and Komal put some iodine on it as an anti septic.

I hope I feel better. I hate me being surly. And I say and do weird stuff which is embarrasing. Even though this seems almost routine, hopefully it will stop soon. It's been getting old for me and for others. It just sucks!

[Listening to: Space - On Second Thought - Don't Drive Angry (4:12)]

universal balance?

I guess I kinda believe in symmetry of things. Yin & Yang, particle & anti-particle, light & darkness. Opposites. When people are cruel or mean especially to me, I return the gesture back in different ways. I always do something to balance about my negative feelings about things. If you do something bad, you'll either hear about it or I do something to get back at you. Otherwise, these emotions fester inside me and I hate that feeling. I feel restless and moody. I much rather either talk about it or subject the person to situations where I had the sour feeling just to show them how it feels..

But I don't know if that's a good thing. There are people who still have stuff coming to them. I just haven't gotten around to it. I just hope talking solves the problem.

Now comes my problem. I'm not that mean. I can never go through with the plans I have in my mind. I usually cave in because otherwise I would feel bad/guilty later. I just can't be oblivious to things I do because I can see how the other person is feeling. I just can't be mean. sigh

I wish people were more considerate.

[Listening to: Be My Escape - Relient K - Mmhmm (4:00)]

I'm bored! I'm bored!

Finals done and nothing to do. The excitement today was my haircut! I finally lost a little more than an inch of hair. My head feels so much lighter. I can actually feel the wind over my ears. hehe.. I was going to shave but decided to do it tomorrow morning. I have done nothing all day. I have been in my room getting bored off my ass. My room needed some cleaning so I did a little bit of that. It might have been a little better if I could have hung out with some one in the afternoon. When I have time to watch TV, there is nothing on!

I can't wait till Jessi and Kristin get back on campus. I talked to both of them in the last few days. Kristin called me!! I was so happy to hear her voice. I am so excited to be living with her in the summer. She gets back sometime in the first couple of weeks of June. I really miss her and want to see her. I can more stuff with her because likes to go out and eat and watch movies. I loved hanging out with her and Mary freshman spring. I miss that time. I have never been able to go out when I want to because most of my friends since my sophomore year have been too cheap to go out. Kristin and I have to make up for missed time.

And Jessi, I'll be going out with her at some point when she gets back. She should be moving in around mid May! I remember that last time we went out to eat at the Olive Garden, I had a ton of fun. I'll be hanging out with her quite a bit too. Probably run with her too.

You can't imagine how much I want more of my friends around. Most of my friends are not going to be here for May term.

Well, I will be going to see Kit run at the home track meet soon. And then dinner. And then I don't know.

Someone please rescue me from this boredom. please.

I guess I'll be okay. I have plenty of movies to watch and I have a selection of either wine or beer. It should be okay.

[Listening to: Counting to 100 - Matt Wertz - Twentythree Places (3:57)]

This has been a pretty crappy day. The sole high point of the day was the dinner at Dr. Burke's house. I had fun there talking to Kirby and the rest. Good food, a couple of portions of wine and a beer.

I had been working on my paper for honors all day. I had to go through the books I borrowed from the library and decided to work on Classical The Dying Niobid and Hellenistic Aphrodite of Cnidus. I guess I will be concentrating on the exploitation of women in both the era depicted by the manner of the portrayal in sculpture. I found almost no sources about the Dying Niobid which was very weird. But I talked to Dr. Burke for a bit and I think it gave me a decent think-start to the paper. All I have to do is remember my conversation tomorrow morning when I get a written start to the paper.

I thought the top of the five would have served as a stress buster but I didn't have any fun there. This is the first time this has happened there. I just wanted to leave and go back to school by walk. I didn't dance very well when I was dancing either which was weird. I guess I was just too tired or bummed out or tense. I don't know what was wrong..

Tomorrow and the next couple of days are going to be really long. It's going to be painful to get through. *sigh*

I think I just need a change of scene. Makes me happy I'm going to Oakridge next semester. I can start with a clean slate. Things are going to be so different. I will be missing a few people a LOT. Atleast some of them can call me for free. I know I might be doing quite a bit of phone conversations if there isn't much to do at Oakridge..

ok, I think I need to sleep now.

Shubho Ratri (good night in Bengali)

[Listening to: A Fond Farewell - Ari Hest - Someone To Tell (4:22)]

The Sunscreen Song

Download link for the Sunscreen song (mp3)

History and Lyrics of The Sunscreen Song

This was really famous about 6 years back. A very interesting history behind this. Follow the link for more information.

Life is Short

I've had "Life is short" by Butterfly Boucher stuck in my head for a couple of days.

This is probably the most significant part of the lyrics:

Oh I am young but I have aged
Waited long to seize the day
All things said and plently done
Oh I am young but I have a past
Travelled for to find the start
Yes I am scared and I've been burnt
But life is too short

I am young but I have a past. A complicated past. But it's time to live life because I can never get these years back. I need to take advantage of my youth and make wonderful memories for the future..

[Listening to: Life is short - Butterfly Boucher - Flutterby (3:06)]

Check out the pictures I put up on my picture blog. There are about 80 new pictures from the Drag Show to April I-Club Banquet. Have fun browsing!

[Listening to: You Got Me All Wrong - Dios Malos - Music From The OC: Mix 2 (3:13)]

I had a good time today. I got to hang out with Britta, just the two of us. We ate together, walked around. We haven't done that in a long time and when I got the oppurtunity I took it. I like hanging out with Britta. I am at peace around her. I love kidding around with her. We have this bet that she would do something if I shaved my moustache off. She is tempting me, hehehe! I going to miss Britta a lot. I don't know how my life would be with out her around to be there when I need her. She calms me down when I need to be calmed down and I do the same for her.

Andy and I laughed our asses off during the soap opera bit of a local comedy troupe called CIA. Especially when they put in the lines, "Hot in Herre"," Oops! I farted again","how U doin'?". Nicole was laughing at us because we were literally in tears. The dance after that was fine. There were a ton of people there.

I just want peace of mind. I don't want to worry about anything. But what is life without tough tests? It makes us stronger. A wise person said," Everything happens for a reason. It just takes time to see the effect."

[Listening to: Blinded - Easily Amused - Novice (3:27)]

The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences

Something I found online. Pretty interesting

You scored as Logical/Mathematical. You like to work with numbers and ask questions. You learn best by classifying information, engaging in abstract thinking and looking for common basic principles. People like you include mathematicians, biologists, medical technicians, geologists, engineers, physicists, researchers and other scientists. Logical/Mathematical 96% Interpersonal 89% Intrapersonal 86% Verbal/Linguistic 79% Bodily/Kinesthetic 75% Visual/Spatial 71% Musical/Rhythmic 29% The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences created with QuizFarm.com

[Listening to: Ridiculous - P.O.D. - Satellite (4:17)]

Flunk Day!

It was finally Flunk Day today! We had been waiting forever! We were woken up at 5 am by drunk FDC members. Komal woke me up at 8 to do breakfast and I slept some more after that. I got out in the quad at 10.45 and had my first legal Flunk Day beer!! I think I had about 6 mugs of beer. Yeah, I was feeling it alright.. I took quite a few pictures with different people that I will be posting up at some point. I had a lot of fun today. barring one time that i'll talk about it now because I feel really bad about it.

Alcohol and being pissy don't go well together. I got too emotional about something very trivial and made this huge deal about it, embarrassing Andi in the process. It took me a lot of energy to get back in control and by that time i had already made her mad. I shouldn't have done the resolving pissy-ness in public (actually, i shouldn't have had to do it at all, it was nothing!). I was a complete jerk and I have been feeling incredibly bad. I have to apologize several times to Andi to make me feel better. I hope she forgives me. I can't believe how disrespectful I was.

She's on duty tonight. I hope she is doing okay. I think I will leave her alone tonight. She can hang out with other people and have fun. I guess that's my penance, not seeing her today..

[Listening to: Where To Begin - Bowling For Soup - Drunk Enough To Dance (5:21)]

something's up!

Andi has been acting weird all evening yesterday. She seemed rather evasive. She kinda pissed Lindsay off because she told her that she never ate with her anymore and it would be fun to eat with her and then sat to eat with some one else. Lindsay was not happy but didn't make too much of it. And I called Andi around 9 to just see what she was upto and the conversation seemed rather strained. And then she called me around 11 to tell me that she wanted to do some more things and if I wanted to come just for a little bit. I thought if she needed the time to do stuff, I didn't need to see her in the night and let her be. She calls me every night to say good night, and last night she didn't. I called her around 12.20 am to find out what happened and she said that she forgot. Some how I doubt she forgot and something was up. I didn't want to prolong the conversation as it was already late for her and the late night conversations are never productive.

So I don't know what's going on because till yesterday afternoon, everything was fine. I don't know if I have something to do with it or not.. I guess I'll find out at some point. I am worrying a bit about this.

[Listening to: Laid - Matt Nathanson - American Wedding OST (3:04)]

what's a guy to do?

I had planned on watching a movie with andi when she was on duty tonight. But around 8, one of my friends came up and wanted to start Flunk Day drinking because she thought Flunk Day was tomorrow. When I told them that I was going to Voorhees to watch a movie, they asked me to stay back and hang out with them. It felt like a guilt trip, and I felt really bad because I had already planned the movie and I would be going back on that. That is something I never do because I hate it when people do that to me. People think I set myself up for disappointment because I expect too much. I feel really bad when they tell me that. I feel guilty. I can almost never say no.

It's at times I like I can see fragility in some of my friendships. It's disheartening.

I wish I had just watched the movie and everything would be ok. Or would it?

And I hope flunk day is not tomorrow!

[Listening to: One for my baby - Robbie Williams - Swing When You're Winning (4:18)]

sometimes i really annoy myself. why the hell do i like to push people's buttons and then don't like the fact that they get mad or irritated with me?

also, i also annoy myself with all the white lies. i can lie with a straight face. most people can't even say that i am lying. or kidding around for that matter.

when i have god awful boring days, i feel the need to amuse myself. gets me into trouble usually.. need to work on blowing my restlessness in other things..

i still hurt. i shouldn't but i still do. joy, i need you to stay longer in my life. sometimes you seem too fleeting.

[Listening to: High Life - Counting Crows - (6:20)]

A post from the big apple

I'm in the Big Apple for about a few. This is probably the most I will have ever stayed here.

It was a relaxing evening yesterday as I say 3 movies back to back. Ending with Little Black Book. I woke up around 10.30 EST after going to bed late around 3 am. I left with my cousin and her hubby to go apartment hunting with them. The one we saw at Newport was pretty nice and it was a good neighbourhood too. But the rent's kinda high at around 2300 bucks a month. They also have an additional parking fee of $170. We walked around some more including going to a run down part of New Jersey because one of the apartments they were looking at was there but we couldn't find it and we just left. We saw The Pacifier which was a pretty cool movie. It was entertaining. I still wanna see Constantine..

this is the basic gist of stuff so far which isn't much. we took a few pictures that i will put up sometime..

A audio post from the MSP

What a night!

This was a very pleasant friday night. I walked around with Komal for a bit and bought some groceries which included a bottle of wine, beer and some snacks. Well, that was meant for after the auction before we had to leave for the free midnight showing of Hitch. This is one of the cool things Coe does for us to give us a non-drinking alternative. But back to the preperations before the auction. I went up to 7th and got my hair spiked (sort-of) by Sarah who also did my hair for the AOII 80's (Screw your Sister) dance. And then I head over to the auction. I was in the middle of the first set of people. I remember talking to Parr who was an RA in Voorhees like Andi and she was a little worried about getting sold because her boyfriend was not going to be there. So, the bidding began and I bid for $15. And I got her! It was pretty cool but I did think other people would bid on her for sure. Komal got me for $15. I wish I had gone for more and some other friends had bid on me but it was ok because it went kinda fast. And then the crazy bidding that I was involved in. It was a bidding war for Hannah between me and the boy from Wartburg who she is on the verge of dating if not dating. It went like 5, 10, 20, 30, 50, 60, 75, 80, 90, and 100. I stopped my bid on $90 and her boy bought her for a cool $100. That was sooooo cool! I made more money for us and people kept coming up to me later and going "What was all that about?" and I just grinned. hehe.. I also bid up the values of couple of more people like Sarah Small because I knew Andy was going to buy her. She was happy. Finally, I bid $31 for Megan and got her too. That was just crazy. So essentially, the people I bought, I don't know them very well because I have talked to them only a couple of times. I hope those dates are fun. I hope. So I got two $20 vouchers to a pizza place( Komal and Megan) and a voucher to Applebee's and a couple of movie tickets ( Parr). So, I have 3 dates for certain before the semester ends apart from 2 pending with Andi and 1 from Kristin.
            The midnight movie was pretty good. We got there in a taxi and we got good seats because we were pretty early. It was a couple of hours long but all of us like it. It was a fun night out with friends. I have not done that for a long time.
            I was glad that Komal bought me. :) Now, her boy from Nepal will hate me even more. *evil laugh* That's the funny thing. The boyfriends of most of my friends don't like me because I am so close to their girls. They feel threatened. This has happened so many times here because the girls are very free with me and talk to me about basically anything and that drives their boyfriends up the wall.

[Listening to: Fat Lip - Sum 41 -(2:58)]

[Listening to: Fat Lip - Sum 41 - (2:58)]

I would be a rich college dude if...

I feel odd and clammy again. I am just sitting on my chair breathing deeply. If I had a dollar for every time I felt this way, I'd be a rich guy..relatively speaking. I tried dinner with Amanda and Matt to see if things were better. Nope.. nada.. no progress. I have to keep trying though. Or I might have to talk to Amanda for longer than 10 minutes to figure this out once and for all. And yeah, Andi's not going to be here for the auction. In attempting to ask her to stay for the auction and go some other weekend, I managed to lay another guilt trip. This sucks, I hate doing guilt trips but it just comes out and usually is too late to check it. Yeah, she's annoyed with me for doing that yet again. Everyone has reasons for things they do, way they prioritize. I'm trying to understand her. Atleast she gets to save her money this way. I'm trying to tell my head that it's no big deal. I trying to make me feel not so bad about the "Amanda is still mad?" situation, the "de-tensing before the tests" situation, the "I'm trying to understand Andi" situation. Key word - trying. Progress so far - not working so much. Hence forth the clamminess.

Is it ok to keep secrets if that means that the other person would get hurt if he/she knew the secret? I have a fair share of secrets(mine or otherwise) that no one knows about. Another thing is that there are varying levels of honesty and truthfulness with different people. I mean I would tell some things to one person but not the other. I don't think I have ever been completely 100% honest with anyone. There is always a little (or not so little) part of me that I hold back. I haven't been secure enough to tell because that might change their opinions about me and I don't want that.

My stupid phone went on silent and couldn't pick up my parent's call. They were very pissed! However I got to talk to dad later and told him about the accidental silencing of the phone. I hope mum is livid no more after dad tells her what happened. I'll get to talk to them sometime soon too.

I'm excited about the Auction tomorrow! I hope it's fun. And if there is no movie tomorrow, I'm drinking with komal and who ever else wants to join in! I have to still ask Komal but she should be good hopefully.

Need to have fun before next week's hell. 3 tests before spring break. Hell! And then fun again. Yay! can't wait for spring break. :)

[Listening to: Song For Belfast - Easily Amused - Simple Stuff (3:19)]

Our lindy routine

This is the lindy routine broken into two parts. The mix is a compilation of 4 songs.

1. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy - What's next
2. Jet - Are you gonna be my girl
3. Cherry Poppin' Daddies - Zoot suit riot
4. The Brian Setzer Orchestra - Jump Jive An' Wail

Here are the two links. Mind you, these files are big(about 37 MB each)

Joy-Andi lindy routine part 1

Joy-Andi lindy routine part 2

I'll write later about how the performance actually went. i hope you guys like the routine! :)

talking about possessiveness

I have been thinking about this for a long time now. I have noticed that I am very possessive about certain people. One in particular. I know, she knows, everyone knows. Although I think, with the time that has passed, I'm getting better at giving space. I don't think I have ever been so possessive about anyone before, not at this level anyway. It makes me feel irrational, which for the most part I'm not. When I have bouts of possessiveness, I feel very guilty later and that works to keep me from doing it even more in the future. I remember I was a little bit possessive about Komal freshman fall because she was one of my very few friends I actually connected with. So, I would be around her a lot. But when that got to her, she asked me to give a little space and expand my friend's circle. That's when the whole friend's circle boom came. I made friends in hordes and all over. I remember the best ones were Jessi and her pals and then Kristin and Mary. Kristin and Mary care a little more about me than the others but I still like the others and would do almost anything for them. Jessi is definitely a different sort of friend. She is incredibly comfortable around me. Actually, so are all people I met through her..

Well, I have been at the receiving end of possessiveness only once. That also happened in 2002-03. Bhavya has been my only friend who actually made me feel like she needed me and wanted me. Although lately, there has been a certain communication gap because both of us lead very busy lives but that will be solved sometime for sure. Life in India is not easy. I lead a comfortable life here and I tend to forget that it's not the same there.. I think there is a certain sense of possessiveness I get from Vandy and Eisha, however it is subtle. I want to feel needed and wanted but not to be used and abused or taken advantage of. I have been down the road of being taken advantage of and it hurts and pisses me off at the same time. I have never associated with her after that.

I think all of this has been a learning experience and tells me what to do and what not to do. Will I be so possessive in the future? Who knows? For now, I feel like I am learning watch when to back off and allow breathing room.

I want a companion.

[Listening to: LeeLee - Nine Days - SHU Xtras (3:27)]

Coe's approved my off campus app!

I just got a letter in mail today informing me that my off campus application has been approved by Coe and I can carry 90% of my financial aid. That's fabulous! I was soo worried about the financial aid transfer part but all's good now. All I have to do is sit down with Marty and figure stuff out. Take the next step basically. So, I will be looking into Oakridge National Lab's Science Semester seriously. I am sad that I won't be seeing some of my friends that I haven't seen for a while since they have been studying abroad but then there are always some things that we have to give up. And it's only a semester anyway. Yippie!

[Listening to: Good Ol' Days - Authority Zero - A Passage In Time (3:41)]

what a start to the semester!

I can't believe how quick and busy this semester's going to be. I don't think I've done so much of homework everyday. Actually, I'm motivated to complete them for the most part too. Complex Analysis hasn't been too hard so far. Materials physics/chem does look interesting and will be helpful in the future. Quantum is going to kick ass. This class is all math, holy crap! And we haven't even reached the complicated part yet. We have been dealing with basic quantum mechanics questions. I am scared! This honors class is the style and transistions in the Graeco-Roman period with everything dealing with history, art, literature. I have never had something like this and it has been really good so far. I find these topics fascinating. Well, I have a test in Quantum and Materials tomorrow. And one on complex analysis on next monday and a paper in honors next week too.
              Andi and I have been spending a lot of time perusing swing clips that I downloaded from various websites, picking up moves. I have been recording us with my camera and we have about 27 clips. We finally got to practice a few moves at the racquet centre and string them together. Our schedules don't match up sometimes so it's hard picking a time to do this. Like today, I have a couple of tests to study for and I'm not sure if I will be done studying or can take a break to practice swing at 9 tonight.. I really want to but sometimes things come up. I guess I'll try to study a lot before that.. We will be doing some pretty hairy aerials and that's exciting! I hope we can get stuff put together and ready before the banquet. We probably will catch most of our swing group by surprise when they see the things we picked up. You know, I really want to teach these moves to the rest of the group but they have such short attention span at times that it is annoying to teach them anything. So, Andi and I talked about it last night and we decided that we didn't know if they are interested in learning. We also want to teach the faculty/staff to swing if they would like to learn. We don't know if we can do that either. However, the Top of the Five was pretty cool last saturday. It was just Kiki, Andy, Sarah, Chelsea and I but we had four people from Cornell's swing group too. That was fun because I actually danced with the Cornell girls. One of them infact asked me to dance!
            It's unfortunate that me being really busy and then swing dancing is taking time away from other people. Britta told me that she wasn't seeing me much because I am apparently swing dancing when I'm free and she comes up to see me in the night.. It is true that swing is taking up a lot of time now because we have to get stuff together for the International Club Banquet. Things should free up past that. Also, physical exercize is also taking up a couple of hours in the afternoon that I normally I would have free. But I need that time to get fit. I have been playing racquetball(RB) from 2 to 3 pm. I then go to the Fitness Centre and run a couple of miles on the treadmill and do weights for half an hour. And then I have been practising swing with Andi till dinner. So, my afternoons are completely booked. I have been soo busy that I haven't been able to call any of my friends/family outside Coe. I haven't talked to Doll and mammi for ever. I usually call them in the night but I am usually around people and then I'm too tired to talk because I want to go to bed so that I get enough sleep before my 8 am class. I have been rather tired by the end of the night. Probably due to the workout and RB. The last few weekends have been really good because we had parties on friday and swing at the Five on saturday. Although that does swipe us out but it's fun!
            I need to modify how I behave at times. I can be such a bitch! Komal's harsh truth about the reality of things is hard to hear but I know she's right..And I need to talk to Amanda. That is really bothering me how we haven't talked all this semester. I must find out if I have done something to offend her because I like her and she is a really good friend. Matt's cool with me but Amanda seems off.. It is bothering me a lot!

[Listening to: Temptation - Semisonic - Great Divide (3:38)]

swing swing

Here are a few clips of Andi and I doing a few lifts. I took the vids with my canon A80.

http://centerleft.net/images/joyban/MVI_0861.AVI

http://centerleft.net/images/joyban/MVI_0862.AVI

http://centerleft.net/images/joyban/MVI_0863.AVI

[Listening to: Oh Yeah - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy - Save My Soul (4:36)]

TIME Person of the Year 2004: 10 Things We Learned About Blogs

TIME Person of the Year 2004: 10 Things We Learned About Blogs

Italia!

I am going to Italy in the summer for the borate conference! YIPPIEEEE! All I have to do now is write an abstract for the poster I will be presenting there and it'll cost me a couple of hundred dollars. Trento, Italy, you will be seeing me in about 6 months!

[Listening to: Clark Gable - The Postal Service - Give Up (4:54)]

i hate being sick!

i have the flu or that's what the nurse and I think I have. I have been little feverish, ache-ish..and this sore throat is killing me! It hurts everytime I swallow. I have been eating soup and PBJ the last couple of days. It sucks! Hot liquids soothe my throat for that oh-so-brief period before the pain while swallowing sets in again. The nurse had asked to hole up in my room and not see anyone because I was possibly contagious. I think I certainly was.. So, the only person who came by for a bit was Andi who made me tea and other hot liquids. That was so sweet of her.. It's nice being taken care of because I'm the one usually taking care of other people. She does feel that being around me for prolonged periods of time might make her sick which is probably true. I don't know how much longer I'll be contagious but I don't want to get her sick. However she did tell my friends that she wanted to take care of me since I take her all the time. That was a nice thing to say. It makes me happy to see her when she visits to check up. I have been thinking of more happy moments with her like the first time we held hands or the first time we kissed.. I feel good when I think good..

I didnt attend lab or any of the meetings today.. I don't know if I should do classes tomorrow.. I guess I wait to see how I feel when I get up in the morning..

PS: Andi's my ex-girlfriend..

[Listening to: When I See You - Third Eye Blind - Out Of The Vein (3:58)]

another one of those quizzes


Your element is Fire: Strong, hot tempered,
powerful, and passionate. Well now lets see,
being fire you are quite strong and powerful,
people look up to you greatly and often seek
your protection. You have the ability to gain
many friends and you are always one people can
count on to do what you say you will do. You
are extremely loyal be it friends or family
you'll stick up for them and you are never
willing to put them in a position that could
hurt them. You know what roll you play in life,
leader, and you intend to let people know it.
Not everyone is capable of leadership but you
certainly have the willpower and flare to do
it. You have quite a temper if it shows itself,
one that can often lead you into trouble. Once
your mind is made up there is no changing it
but no one said that was a bad thing.


.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

this is interesting. I found a link to this quiz on Oranges From China.


Your Heart is Red


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

my mood lately..

I have been listening to Relient K's new album "MmHmm". These are few excerpts which show how I have been feeling lately..

We were talking together
I said, "what's up with this weather?"
Dont know whether or not
How sad I just got
'Cause on my own volition.
What if I'm just missing the sun

And tomorrow, I know,
Will be rainy at best.
And the forecast, I know,
Is that I'll be depressed.

But I'll wait outside
Hopin that I'll catch sight of the sun.

Because on and off,
The clouds have fought
Their control over the sky

And lately the weather
Has been so Bi-polar
And Consequently so have I

                  "High Of 75" - Relient K


cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need

and today I will trust you with confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency

and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember
the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

and I'll let it be known
at times I have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength

and you promise me
that you believe
in time I will defeat this
cause somewhere in me
there is strength

                  "Let It All Out" - Relient K

I just want to feel better and happy. I hope I find strength in me heal my wounds and relieve the pain. I can't remember if I have ever felt stronger emotions before I came to Coe. This place has been a roller coaster ride, with fantastic highs and depressing lows.. I'm getting a taste of real life outside the protective umbrella of home and family. I guess it's making me a man. a character building experience as people put it here..

I am staring off into space again. I just got back from a staff meeting and am trying to motivate myself to start reading again. I have some things on my mind and I am trying to remove them so that I can concentrate.. But I have that weird clammy tight feeling in my chest.. I don't know.. i'm not very happy now either but I don't want to talk about that either because it's too consuming.. I hope all my homework and stuff keeps me focussed..

[Listening to: Sober - Muse - Showbiz (4:04)]

last full day at home

after going through all those blogs, I was exhausted last night. I left some feedback on some of the people I found who did swing. I'll wait to see if anyone replies.. I took a quite a few pictures on the garden and the flowers in it. I'll have to see if they turned out well. I have started getting some things organized for the packing. My bed's covered with my stuff now. I don't think I have enough to pack both my suitcases but I have to take both back.. I'll be carrying back some cool stuff, like a couple of bottles of french Bordeaux from dad, african stuff.. yeah, things like that..

this new blogrolling thing is pretty cool. I must have over 25 links to different blogs now..i also got a movie and some software offa my brother. I need to look at his music and take some of that too.

I watched Shall We Dance yesterday evening. It got me in the mood of dancing again. It's like any other click flick. I'd rate it under the catagory of Wedding Planner, Maid in Manhattan, that type of movie..

grounding thoughts..

I'm in the weird quiet reflection mood again. damn! It always grounds me. This is usually not very positive either. I wonder why it's easier to think about the negative things than to ponder and think happy. There are some things I really wanted but I can't have them now, not in the near future anyway. Hopefully, I will accomplish and get these things later...

something I'd like to do

You know, I have always wanted to travel and go somewhere with Andi. I think it would be a lot of fun. But I don't think that's going to happen. She is going to Germany for a year, she needs to save up. I was thinking about this as I was just chatting with Sarah and she was telling about her prep for London-Florence. I just wish I could go and visit Europe instead of just transiting through the airports without actually seeing the city. I wanted to visit Kristin but then decided against it for multiple reasons. If I was asked a couple of years back, I would have definitely gone up to see her. And then visiting Andi and Inga in Germany sometime next year... I have to see if I can do that when the time comes. I guess there are a lot of factors that will go into making that decision. The most important being money.. I guess I'm going to wait and see.

My tropical winter!

The last day before I was to fly out, I packed all the things I was to carry home. I tried packing everything in one suitcase but it felt that it would burst open because it had so many things in it. I had so much of shopping to carry back along with my books, clothes and shoes. I went out with Matt and Amanda in the night for dessert from her game. I was quiet most of the time because I was reflecting on things that had been going on in my life. And they were talking about stuff they didn�t like to eat. It was funny actually. They were talking like an old married couple. Well, I guess they have been dating for a long time and they seem so much at ease with each other with no doubts about the other person. Peace of mind.

I woke up early in the morning to finish the last bit of shopping that my mum wanted me to do. Micheal�s got a lot of business from my mum. But things there are pretty expensive. So, I think we will be shopping online for mum�s pmc things now. I also bought an mp3 player and the camera that dad wanted me to buy for the office. I had such a tough decision to make when I was thinking about buying the 40 gb mp3 player or not and finally I just got it. And then I got back and left for the airport at 3 because I had my flight out at 4.45 pm. I had to go through a special security check, which meant a complete, pat down and carry on baggage check. The only people that I saw that had to go through with this check were brown skinned people. I mentioned that to a security agent there after my check was done. It did seem racial but we should be getting used to this soon I guess. I got to Chicago and had a couple of hours to burn. So I decided to call people while I had the chance. I used my bluetooth and there was this one lady who kept pointing to my headset as it was blinking blue. I smiled and told her what it was and there was a questioning look. I guess she had never seen a wireless headset. I talked to Andi for a bit, and then ended up talking to Doll and Mammi for the rest of the time.

The Delta flight to London was very spacious. I don�t think I�ve ever been on a flight that had so much of leg space. It was amazing! And I happened to sit adjacent to the lady who was pointing at my headset. It was a funny coincidence. She was a minister in a small town in Wisconsin and was going home for the winter. She taught classes to the prisoners in a maximum-security prison in that town. She was very defensive about them and told me that she loved working with them. I think she felt that I had a negative view of things in the prison system.. Like Andi said, if there were no good movies on the flight, I would actually sleep. It was true for the most part. I saw Collateral and that was the only movie worth watching. So, I did sleep most of the way there. But I did see the magnetic dartboard system that I was searching for. It was $40 though. So, I don�t know if I should buy it on the way back.

I have never seen so many Indians in one place apart from India. The London airport was teeming with Indians, old and young. I had a 12-hour layover! So, after I got my boarding pass, I decided to look around at the stores. I did look around for an hour or so and then got bored of the stores there. First, there wasn�t a lot there to see really and second, things were soo expensive. Especially since a pound was two bucks! So every thing was twice as much as the US. However, I did see that Bailey�s was cheaper there than in the US. So, I will be buying a couple of bottles on the way back. After that I just sat around and started killing time by reading Contact. I actually tried calling Sujatha aunty but it wouldn�t connect and I tried getting online at one of the kiosks and that didn�t work either. So, I just gave up and returned to sitting around. I managed to catch a wink for a couple of hours sleeping with my arms around the baggage using my bag a pillow. I did eat some there, a slice of pizza and a sandwich for $12. Isn�t that insane? Finally, about an hour before my flight was scheduled to take off, I saw the gate assigned to the plane. So, I took off to the gate and was one of the first people to reach it. I was on the plane 20 minutes later.

The Virgin flight wasn�t as roomy as the last one was. But it was ok, I planned on sleeping this one through because it was night time in Nigeria and I wanted to get on that clock as soon as I got in. I didn�t want any jetlag. There was someone from campus waiting to pick me up. I got through customs and everything in a breeze. I was however hit with the humidity the moment I got back because I was wearing my sweater and sweatshirt. It was 25 C outside with high humidity! And this was winter in tropical Nigeria. After a 2-hour ride back to campus, I was finally home.

Later in the day, I showed mum all the things I got and she was very happy with all the pmc she could now work with. It felt nice to be home after so long. It was good to see mum because I hadn�t seen her since winter. I slept for a long time after that. Mum told me that she saw my pictures while I was sleeping. They were actually very good pictures. They came out really well. I was pleasantly surprised.

And then began my every day schedule of sleeping at 3 am and waking up at 12 when mum woke me up telling me that I shouldn�t miss breakfast and it�s not good to wake up right before lunch. And then I would eat toast and drink tea. And then I would sit on the net. Around 1.30, dad would come home and we would eat lunch. After that, I would watch TV if there was something good, or sit on the net some more. On Thursdays and Sundays, my brother and I would play basketball with other people. Fridays, we had pizza night at the International House. And then, drink tea in the evening and watch some more TV. And then dinner around 10, and some more internet. Around 12, I would read till I fell asleep or answered emails. I actually answered all my emails the same day, usually straight away because I had nothing else to do really. I haven�t emailed so much and so frequently in a long time. Inga and I emailed back and forth almost everyday. Andi and I would email every other day because there wasn�t much to say really since neither of us were doing a lot.

I called some of my friends on Christmas. I talked to Andi for a little while but couldn�t talk to her much because I got her in the middle of gifts. I tried calling Kristin and Mary, failing on both accounts. I then talked to Britta for a long time. She is at ease on the phone when she talks to me even though she doesn�t like talking on the phone a whole lot. It was nice to talk to her and catch up. It did feel odd because we didn�t have the late night chats since I got home. I guess it was something we did pretty often and I got used to it. I did get to talk to Jessi and I could say that she was surprised to get my call. But I remember that I called her the last time I was home too. I couldn�t talk to Komal because she is MIA. I got to chat with most of my friends and got atleast one email if not more from all of them. I talked to Andi on Jan 1 for about 50 minutes with my mum breathing down my neck asking me why I was on the phone for so long and what could I possibly talking about! And that�s why I couldn�t call anyone else because I had the feeling that I ate up my call time allowance in one shot. Hehe.. It felt good talking to Inga after I got home because I hadn�t talked to her for a bit. I was also concerned after the email I got from her about her breakup with her long-term boyfriend.

Apart from that, nothing much has really happened. We had the acting Indian High Commissioner come to our house for lunch along with some other Indians on campus. And I finally got to see I Robot which I�ve always wanted to see.

And of course, New Years was a blast. I haven�t had so much of fun in Nigeria ever. We got to the International House around 8.30. I had this one drink called Champagne Screw which tasted like soap. Yuck! I chucked three quarters of the drink in a bush. We then waited around till 9.30 for the dinner. The dinner was a pretty good buffet with free red and white French wine. After dinner, my brother and I sat with the other kids and socialized for a bit. There was a raffle drawing in which my mum won a dinner for two at the restaurant in I-House. And then the party began, at first we just watched other people go on the dance floor. After a bit, the youth decided to and join in. There were only two Canadian girls in our group and so we were asking them to dance all the time. I don�t think they have been asked to dance so much in their life! I danced more with the 21 year old girl more than her younger sister because the other boys never left her by herself for anyone to ask. I finally got talking with the group and it was smooth sailing after that. I danced a lot and did a few of the basic swing turns and stuff that the girls could handle. I actually found an R&B song that has perfect rhythm for six count swing. After my parents left, we went nuts I guess. My brother and I tried to teach Bhangra to a couple of European women. After that, my brother switched among us to dance with the Slavic ladies. They were pretty hot and every other guy in the group thought so too. They were all looking at them and drooling.. hehe.. Plus, they were drunk so that made for a better dance experience ;). It was funny to watch them dance with us with their young children and husbands around. I don�t think their husbands enjoyed dancing as much as they did anyway. Towards the end, I talked to Michelle (the older Canadian) about what she did at home and all. It was actually a two way conversation. I remember when I got back to my house that I could have told her about Kit�s research about Antarctic�s permafrost since she was studying the Canadian permafrost up north. We got back at 4.30 fully awake but the moment I lied down, I was out in a couple of minutes.. New Year�s eve was actually fun. Yay!

christmas!

I got the best christmas present ever! Andi had a very elaborate present for me which started with a mystery snow angel with my name in my mailbox. i didn't know who it was then but then I strongly suspected Andi. of course, i asked her point blank but she lied to me with a straight face.. hehe..the first time i have seen her to do that.. and then every day for 10 days i got ornaments for the christmas tree anonymously.. I would go to my mailbox before lunch and would find one everyday. that was the highlight for several days as finals were coming up. and the days i couldn't access my mailbox, the ornaments were taped to my door.. this was because the first saturday she realized that i couldn't open my mailbox on weekends. and as days went on, i would tease her by calling the mystery person my secret admirer.. although at that point, questioning most of the friends lead nowhere. she used most of my friends in this endeavor.. although sometimes i got more information out of them that they wanted to let on.. and finally on 15th Dec. She gave me my last mailbox ornament and then sent me on a scavenger hunt for the last three. And she had the last one.. I thanked her and told her how much this meant to me.. She is truly a special person and will always have a place in my heart. she is my best friend in the whole wide world and wouldn't trade our memories for anything. she is too precious to me. i love her.

the tree full of ornaments is showcased in my dorm room. it's wonderful. and i also got a couple of games, a book on hugs, a magnet, and chocolates.. she really went all out.. i feel so special..:)

how do people deal with frustration?

I don't know how to deal with my frustration about a lot of things at Coe. I could just take an easy way out and drop stuff but I'm not like that. I take the hard route and try to fix things or work it out. But what if things are not in my control? I have had very intense emotions lately, it deters me from concentrating. Math frustrates me a lot. Real has been a rough ride. Stuff like Q2b in Ex1.26 drives me crazy at no ends. If I can't solve questions, it torments me. I remember spending 7 hours on a stupid physics problem and then when I get back in the night before sleeping. I take a last crack at it and then I solved it in a few minutes. All I had to do was reverse engineer the answer! When things frustrate me, I think about it all the freaking time.
         I know it's bad to let things in the way but I seem powerless. I am also weak willed at times. I know I can say no but when the situations arise, I always give in and say yes. There are times I didn't want to do things but I did them anyway to keep the other person happy. I think I care too much about people. Sometimes I just want to be happy without things on my mind. It has happened a few times, a few blissfully happy moments. I can count on my finger tips how many times I have been so happy and worry-less that I didn't know what to do with myself. Jessi's in the summer, Chicago in fall break and Amanda's at Thanksgiving were some situations where I had a lot of fun. Maybe I need to look in other places to remove my frustration. Playing RB helps some because I can wack the ball and it's a physical outlet. I have tried running but it never works. I need to be calm to run otherwise I start breathing patterns change.. Talking helps too. I'm glad I have friends who I can talk to and clear my head.
         I'm going to miss Jessi and Jenna next semester. I miss Kristin and Mary a lot. I miss talking to Bhav. I miss my family. I want someone to love and cherish me the way I do. I want to see Sonal. I want my friends from home to come here and study. I miss Eisha, Vandy and Shonali.

         On a little more upbeat tone, atleast Kit and I got my digital electronics lab done finally after a week of stagnation. I have 3 finals next week and then I'm going home on Saturday!! It will be the time to sit back and relax and study some and re-evaluate my priorities and make my mind mentally strong for the tough semester ahead.

[Listening to: Track 3 - All American Rejects - Unknown Album (3:57)]

Analyse this!

I have been thinking and analysing everything that happened at homecoming this time. That night, the dance seemed good but now after Andi told me that I annoyed her by taking her when she was dancing with Rob, and that I was following her has kind of killed that. I was being very aggressive for the first time at a dance like this. I am usually passive and even if I want to dance with someone, I don't go forward if they are dancing with someone else. This time I decided to hell with that. I will do what I want, when I want. I am entitled to have fun too. I danced with some of my friends even with their boyfriends right there but I didn't give a shit. I felt like dancing with them for that little bit and I did. I never took them away for more than 30 seconds. That way I made sure that Andi didn't feel ignored. Apparently, I didn't need to do that because she wanted the chance to dance with other people which is fine. It was a funny coincidence that we kept ending up dancing near Rob, might have been accidental but who knows. And she did leave me half way through a couple of songs and just turned around and started dancing with him. I was left stranded in the middle of the dance floor and I had to look around for other people to dance with. I wonder how she would feel if I did that to her... Maybe I did do that to her when I was dancing with my friends. Maybe we did spend too much of time dancing with each other. I think during the next dance, I'm going try to make a conscious effort to not monopolize her. It did seem like she had fun dancing with me but there were a few situations where I felt otherwise...

      On a happier note, the dinner was good. I wish we could have sat beside Britta and Sean but there is no point pondering about it. I saw Amanda and Matt and her friends at the Texas Roadhouse too. I really wanted to eat with them and felt like that more and more as the our group got bigger. I wish Amanda and Andi atleast greeted each other. In the end, it was fine that we didn't eat with them because it would have been very awkward with the two girls. And at the dance, I did get to dance or atleast see most of my friends. Komal was so funny! I didn't get to dance with Kelly this time though because she was with Brian the whole night. I remember last homecoming when me and Andi spent the whole dance together. I wanted to dance with some other people that time but I thought it wasn't right because Andi was my date and my girl friend at the time. This time I had plenty of oppurtunities to dance with other people but when I was alone, I could never find anyone to dance with. What luck!

      So, on the whole, I'd say homecoming was fun. It could have been better.

      You should see pics from homecoming at Joy's Odds N Ends

[Listening to: Swan Dive - Sister Hazel - Chasing Daylight (3:45)]

More pictures!!

I just posted 35 pictures on Joy's Odd's N Ends. They are from Chicago, my 21st B'day and Alburquerque.

Have fun browsing.

[Listening to: I Like It - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy - Save My Soul (4:19)]

A whole week away from Coe! well almost..

I'm writing this post from the computer lab at Univ. of New Mexico at Alburquerque where the SPS conference is going on. It's been a fun couple of days since we flew in wednesday. I have attended a ton of talks and few of them being pretty high profile including the talk on ethics by the National Science Advisor to POTUS and a Nobel Laureate about Bose-Einstein Condensate. And the food has been incredible. My first dinner here was a $27 meal that I paid for. And then I paid for today's lunch which was a bit more reasonable at $10. And We have been doing some drinks every ngiht..and let me tell you a lil secret..this is the 7th night in a row where I've had atleast a bit of some form of alcohol. I'm surprised but I have not gotten drunk even on my 21st b'day. Talking about my b'day, It was a wonderful day with wishes from all my friends and the dinner at Olive Garden and then hanging out wiht my friends and then Andi. She came by in the night and we had a couple of glasses of wine to end my b'day. And you know, I have never been carded in my life but since I've turned 21, I have been always carded. It's funny! Chicago was a ton of fun too. I will put up pictures once I get back to school on Sunday. Sorry about the ill-organized post this time..