What a night!

This was a very pleasant friday night. I walked around with Komal for a bit and bought some groceries which included a bottle of wine, beer and some snacks. Well, that was meant for after the auction before we had to leave for the free midnight showing of Hitch. This is one of the cool things Coe does for us to give us a non-drinking alternative. But back to the preperations before the auction. I went up to 7th and got my hair spiked (sort-of) by Sarah who also did my hair for the AOII 80's (Screw your Sister) dance. And then I head over to the auction. I was in the middle of the first set of people. I remember talking to Parr who was an RA in Voorhees like Andi and she was a little worried about getting sold because her boyfriend was not going to be there. So, the bidding began and I bid for $15. And I got her! It was pretty cool but I did think other people would bid on her for sure. Komal got me for $15. I wish I had gone for more and some other friends had bid on me but it was ok because it went kinda fast. And then the crazy bidding that I was involved in. It was a bidding war for Hannah between me and the boy from Wartburg who she is on the verge of dating if not dating. It went like 5, 10, 20, 30, 50, 60, 75, 80, 90, and 100. I stopped my bid on $90 and her boy bought her for a cool $100. That was sooooo cool! I made more money for us and people kept coming up to me later and going "What was all that about?" and I just grinned. hehe.. I also bid up the values of couple of more people like Sarah Small because I knew Andy was going to buy her. She was happy. Finally, I bid $31 for Megan and got her too. That was just crazy. So essentially, the people I bought, I don't know them very well because I have talked to them only a couple of times. I hope those dates are fun. I hope. So I got two $20 vouchers to a pizza place( Komal and Megan) and a voucher to Applebee's and a couple of movie tickets ( Parr). So, I have 3 dates for certain before the semester ends apart from 2 pending with Andi and 1 from Kristin.
            The midnight movie was pretty good. We got there in a taxi and we got good seats because we were pretty early. It was a couple of hours long but all of us like it. It was a fun night out with friends. I have not done that for a long time.
            I was glad that Komal bought me. :) Now, her boy from Nepal will hate me even more. *evil laugh* That's the funny thing. The boyfriends of most of my friends don't like me because I am so close to their girls. They feel threatened. This has happened so many times here because the girls are very free with me and talk to me about basically anything and that drives their boyfriends up the wall.

[Listening to: Fat Lip - Sum 41 -(2:58)]

[Listening to: Fat Lip - Sum 41 - (2:58)]

I would be a rich college dude if...

I feel odd and clammy again. I am just sitting on my chair breathing deeply. If I had a dollar for every time I felt this way, I'd be a rich guy..relatively speaking. I tried dinner with Amanda and Matt to see if things were better. Nope.. nada.. no progress. I have to keep trying though. Or I might have to talk to Amanda for longer than 10 minutes to figure this out once and for all. And yeah, Andi's not going to be here for the auction. In attempting to ask her to stay for the auction and go some other weekend, I managed to lay another guilt trip. This sucks, I hate doing guilt trips but it just comes out and usually is too late to check it. Yeah, she's annoyed with me for doing that yet again. Everyone has reasons for things they do, way they prioritize. I'm trying to understand her. Atleast she gets to save her money this way. I'm trying to tell my head that it's no big deal. I trying to make me feel not so bad about the "Amanda is still mad?" situation, the "de-tensing before the tests" situation, the "I'm trying to understand Andi" situation. Key word - trying. Progress so far - not working so much. Hence forth the clamminess.

Is it ok to keep secrets if that means that the other person would get hurt if he/she knew the secret? I have a fair share of secrets(mine or otherwise) that no one knows about. Another thing is that there are varying levels of honesty and truthfulness with different people. I mean I would tell some things to one person but not the other. I don't think I have ever been completely 100% honest with anyone. There is always a little (or not so little) part of me that I hold back. I haven't been secure enough to tell because that might change their opinions about me and I don't want that.

My stupid phone went on silent and couldn't pick up my parent's call. They were very pissed! However I got to talk to dad later and told him about the accidental silencing of the phone. I hope mum is livid no more after dad tells her what happened. I'll get to talk to them sometime soon too.

I'm excited about the Auction tomorrow! I hope it's fun. And if there is no movie tomorrow, I'm drinking with komal and who ever else wants to join in! I have to still ask Komal but she should be good hopefully.

Need to have fun before next week's hell. 3 tests before spring break. Hell! And then fun again. Yay! can't wait for spring break. :)

[Listening to: Song For Belfast - Easily Amused - Simple Stuff (3:19)]

Our lindy routine

This is the lindy routine broken into two parts. The mix is a compilation of 4 songs.

1. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy - What's next
2. Jet - Are you gonna be my girl
3. Cherry Poppin' Daddies - Zoot suit riot
4. The Brian Setzer Orchestra - Jump Jive An' Wail

Here are the two links. Mind you, these files are big(about 37 MB each)

Joy-Andi lindy routine part 1

Joy-Andi lindy routine part 2

I'll write later about how the performance actually went. i hope you guys like the routine! :)

talking about possessiveness

I have been thinking about this for a long time now. I have noticed that I am very possessive about certain people. One in particular. I know, she knows, everyone knows. Although I think, with the time that has passed, I'm getting better at giving space. I don't think I have ever been so possessive about anyone before, not at this level anyway. It makes me feel irrational, which for the most part I'm not. When I have bouts of possessiveness, I feel very guilty later and that works to keep me from doing it even more in the future. I remember I was a little bit possessive about Komal freshman fall because she was one of my very few friends I actually connected with. So, I would be around her a lot. But when that got to her, she asked me to give a little space and expand my friend's circle. That's when the whole friend's circle boom came. I made friends in hordes and all over. I remember the best ones were Jessi and her pals and then Kristin and Mary. Kristin and Mary care a little more about me than the others but I still like the others and would do almost anything for them. Jessi is definitely a different sort of friend. She is incredibly comfortable around me. Actually, so are all people I met through her..

Well, I have been at the receiving end of possessiveness only once. That also happened in 2002-03. Bhavya has been my only friend who actually made me feel like she needed me and wanted me. Although lately, there has been a certain communication gap because both of us lead very busy lives but that will be solved sometime for sure. Life in India is not easy. I lead a comfortable life here and I tend to forget that it's not the same there.. I think there is a certain sense of possessiveness I get from Vandy and Eisha, however it is subtle. I want to feel needed and wanted but not to be used and abused or taken advantage of. I have been down the road of being taken advantage of and it hurts and pisses me off at the same time. I have never associated with her after that.

I think all of this has been a learning experience and tells me what to do and what not to do. Will I be so possessive in the future? Who knows? For now, I feel like I am learning watch when to back off and allow breathing room.

I want a companion.

[Listening to: LeeLee - Nine Days - SHU Xtras (3:27)]

Coe's approved my off campus app!

I just got a letter in mail today informing me that my off campus application has been approved by Coe and I can carry 90% of my financial aid. That's fabulous! I was soo worried about the financial aid transfer part but all's good now. All I have to do is sit down with Marty and figure stuff out. Take the next step basically. So, I will be looking into Oakridge National Lab's Science Semester seriously. I am sad that I won't be seeing some of my friends that I haven't seen for a while since they have been studying abroad but then there are always some things that we have to give up. And it's only a semester anyway. Yippie!

[Listening to: Good Ol' Days - Authority Zero - A Passage In Time (3:41)]

what a start to the semester!

I can't believe how quick and busy this semester's going to be. I don't think I've done so much of homework everyday. Actually, I'm motivated to complete them for the most part too. Complex Analysis hasn't been too hard so far. Materials physics/chem does look interesting and will be helpful in the future. Quantum is going to kick ass. This class is all math, holy crap! And we haven't even reached the complicated part yet. We have been dealing with basic quantum mechanics questions. I am scared! This honors class is the style and transistions in the Graeco-Roman period with everything dealing with history, art, literature. I have never had something like this and it has been really good so far. I find these topics fascinating. Well, I have a test in Quantum and Materials tomorrow. And one on complex analysis on next monday and a paper in honors next week too.
              Andi and I have been spending a lot of time perusing swing clips that I downloaded from various websites, picking up moves. I have been recording us with my camera and we have about 27 clips. We finally got to practice a few moves at the racquet centre and string them together. Our schedules don't match up sometimes so it's hard picking a time to do this. Like today, I have a couple of tests to study for and I'm not sure if I will be done studying or can take a break to practice swing at 9 tonight.. I really want to but sometimes things come up. I guess I'll try to study a lot before that.. We will be doing some pretty hairy aerials and that's exciting! I hope we can get stuff put together and ready before the banquet. We probably will catch most of our swing group by surprise when they see the things we picked up. You know, I really want to teach these moves to the rest of the group but they have such short attention span at times that it is annoying to teach them anything. So, Andi and I talked about it last night and we decided that we didn't know if they are interested in learning. We also want to teach the faculty/staff to swing if they would like to learn. We don't know if we can do that either. However, the Top of the Five was pretty cool last saturday. It was just Kiki, Andy, Sarah, Chelsea and I but we had four people from Cornell's swing group too. That was fun because I actually danced with the Cornell girls. One of them infact asked me to dance!
            It's unfortunate that me being really busy and then swing dancing is taking time away from other people. Britta told me that she wasn't seeing me much because I am apparently swing dancing when I'm free and she comes up to see me in the night.. It is true that swing is taking up a lot of time now because we have to get stuff together for the International Club Banquet. Things should free up past that. Also, physical exercize is also taking up a couple of hours in the afternoon that I normally I would have free. But I need that time to get fit. I have been playing racquetball(RB) from 2 to 3 pm. I then go to the Fitness Centre and run a couple of miles on the treadmill and do weights for half an hour. And then I have been practising swing with Andi till dinner. So, my afternoons are completely booked. I have been soo busy that I haven't been able to call any of my friends/family outside Coe. I haven't talked to Doll and mammi for ever. I usually call them in the night but I am usually around people and then I'm too tired to talk because I want to go to bed so that I get enough sleep before my 8 am class. I have been rather tired by the end of the night. Probably due to the workout and RB. The last few weekends have been really good because we had parties on friday and swing at the Five on saturday. Although that does swipe us out but it's fun!
            I need to modify how I behave at times. I can be such a bitch! Komal's harsh truth about the reality of things is hard to hear but I know she's right..And I need to talk to Amanda. That is really bothering me how we haven't talked all this semester. I must find out if I have done something to offend her because I like her and she is a really good friend. Matt's cool with me but Amanda seems off.. It is bothering me a lot!

[Listening to: Temptation - Semisonic - Great Divide (3:38)]